A Test of Faith

Just recently I have experienced an unexplainable feeling of sadness. I was depressed. I was feeling all mixed emotions in the aspects of my life, such as my dreams to become a doctor in the states, friends, the things I want to fulfill in life, doing and following God’s will for me, and many other aspects that I want to keep to myself (hehehe!).

Everyone has their desires. I know I have a lot. One day, I was being afraid with regards to my goals in life and desires in life. Honestly speaking, I did not know how I would face them. I didn’t know what I should do. I did not completely digest in my understanding the meaning of “Do your best, and let God do the rest”. What was on my mind was that I know I should trust God, which I do, and leave the rest to Him. But I myself did not know what is my part in fulfilling my goals; what does God want me to do since I already gave my life to Him; and I already lifted up all my desires. He already knows that. He already knew that I would have those desires because I believe that He gave them to me. From “A Father’s Love Letter”, a portion of is says that from Philippians 2:13 ‘For it is I who gave you those desires’. From the New international Version of the bible it says “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose”. I know it because I feel it.

During that time when I was really down, I had NO IDEA why I was feeling that way all of a sudden. I have my stand in Christ. I know He is always with me. I always strive to be in His presence. But then, I was wondering why, “Why was I sad? I am not usually like this.” Yes. I am usually a happy person. I already have God with me. But then after that feeling of sadness, other negative feelings started to follow. I had feelings of fear, uncertainty, pride, jealousy, and other stuff I might not even know. I was struggling. I did not know why I had those feelings. I was always praying. One day, I cried and knelt down to God and prayed. I was crying. The next day, I was also crying and praying, and some of the other days. My heart was broken. I was really down.

In my prayers, I was asking God. I was crying for Him to save me, asking for His mercy. I could not bare the hurt inside me. I asked Him to take it away. I also asked, “Was I losing hope? Is it ok for me to give up on this?”. “Giving up on this will make the hurt go away, and then I could just easily move on.” That’s true. But then I knew it was not right for me. I made this promise to God about certain wishes and dreams that I have. Believe me, if you’d know it, it will really sound impossible. However, I said I would always have faith. I will always believe in Him. Then suddenly that happened; and I started asking those questions. But then I realized that giving up on those that I have already committed to is like giving up the race that I started with God. And God is not a God who gives up.

One day, I reread Kuya Dhrey’s blog about a “hopeless case”. And it says there that

"In the human perspective, it's easy to give up hope. Sometimes, we don't need to choose to give up hope because it's our tendency. But the good thing is we can always choose to be hopeful. We can always choose to stay positive despite of negative things happening around us.

The ability to choose to be positive requires faith on God. Faith that God will not give up on us because He is our hope. And if He is our hope, we can be assured that even if we give up hope, HOPE (GOD) never gives up on us." (to read more go to http://www.soulcarelover.blogspot.com/)

After reading that, it made me rethink. I realized that I should not give up hope (GOD), because it does not give up on me. I needed to regain my hope. That time, I also realized this was a test, A TEST OF FAITH. I knew I was growing in God. God wanted to test me, to test my faith on how far it had gone. So he gave me this. And as I was struggling I never gave up one Him. God is always that one I would run to. So, I understood. These things are not easy to digest in my mind up until now. But now, I know. It’s hard to explain but I just know and feel it.

So many sayings in the Bible say that God will never leave us, nor forsake us. He is always with us. And also by realizing a lot about this test that it made me remember the saying from Psalm 37:4 “Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.” So many sayings also say never to lose hope for God is our Hope. He knows us even more than we know ourselves. He loves us even more than we know, whoever we are, or whatever we may be. It is because He is our creator, our Father, and He has deep, deep, unconditional love for us. He loves us so much and even if we feel like He is not with us, HE IS. It takes Faith in Lord, and that is what I desire to have.

If you have experienced or are experiencing the same way as I did. The greatest advice that I can give you is to GO TO GOD. TRUST IN HIM. I give you one of my favorite verses “Seek Ye first the Kingdom of God, and ALL these things shall be added unto you”.

Have A GOD BLESSED Life!